Wait a minute. How can a jumprope be poly-fi? That makes no sense. It must be a lead-in to something else...

Polyamorous Love Songs

I have heard complaint that popular love songs are chauvinistically geared toward monogamous relationships. It seems to me that, rather than writing a whole new batch of songs, many classics could be adapted to accommodate those people who prefer to have multiple mates. It should be a simple task to make a few lyrical changes and record these revised love songs appropriate for polyamorous folk:

Air Supply - "Half Out of Love"1
The Beatles - "Babies You Can Drive My Cars"
The Beatles - "If I Also Fell"
The Beatles - "I've Just Seen Another Face"
Depeche Mode - "Somebody Else"2
The Grass Roots - "Wake Up, Wake Up, Wake Up, Wake Up"
The Grass Roots - "Midnight, 12:30, and 1:00 confessions"
Indigo Girls - "The Power of Bleem"3
Jewel - "You Were Meant For Us"
Journey - "Open Nth Arms"4
The Knack - "Our Sharona"
Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta - "You're the Two That I Want"
Roy Orbison - "Oh Pretty Women"
Simon and Garfunkel - "For Emily and Laura, Wherever I May Find Them"

See how easy that was?

(April 24, 2000: Looks like this page has been quoted in Culture at Meme Pool. Thanks, Laurel!)


1. Okay, if you don't get it, "Half Out of Love" implies that the singer is pining for one of two mates, but the other is still around.
2. This might be construed as being pretty harsh. I think I had better thwip, for it, just in case.
3. "Bleem" is what you would call four.
4. This is a reference to the Nth arm problem. Couples who cuddle facing each other experience the fourth arm problem, i.e., there is no comfortable place to put the fourth arm (lower arm of the person with their head nearer the other's chest) that doesn't cut off circulation. Sets of three or more people would presumably experience the Nth arm problem, where N is twice the number of people involved.

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