Yvelheim Entrance | Yindex | © 1999-2008
Today, we investigate a great political buzzword from 2006. We've had our customary two years of blank indecision, and now it's time for an unlucky few of us to make up our minds. But how?
That's a tough one. On one side of the argument, there's the entire Republican community. On the other side, there's the entire scientific community. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way to tell which one is more credible.
Luckily, critical thinking is not our only weapon for getting at the truth. (Has anyone even seen it in the arsenal lately?) We have other devices that we can use much more easily.
1. Aversion to anything weird. Environmental activists are just way too passionate. Global warming isn't a big deal to us, so why should it be to them? They get themselves worked up about it, as if there's some big catastrophe at stake. Frankly, that attitude is just off-putting. If they're going to get all weird and self-important about it, they can just do it somewhere else, thank you. And good riddance.
2. Hope. Who wants to believe in a doomsday scenario? Not us. We are much, much happier believing that everything is going to be okay. This is technically known as "fantasizing," and trust me, fantasies are important.
3. Which is more work? Ah, that's an easy one. If the environmentalists are correct, then to forestall all kinds of havoc to the planet's ecosystems, we'll have to do things like pass laws that would be slightly inconvenient to auto makers and energy companies. That's an uphill battle right there. Some environmentalists even want us to car pool to work. Jeez, who even likes their coworkers enough to put up with that? Whereas, if the Republicans and their oil companies are right, we don't have to do anything, or even think about anything!
Now, it may sound like we're swinging firmly toward one end of the debate, but here's where we apply the true art of the centrist. Repeat after me: "I don't know, global warming might be real, or it might not, but I'm pretty sure that it isn't a problem."
Voilà! You haven't taken sides, and you've avoided all responsibility! Good job. If the world goes to hell in a handbasket, it won't be your fault.