Getting Things Done

"I can't get myself to do the things I need to do."

You're in luck: I have amassed a collection ways to deal with this.

You may have difficulty starting, stopping, or switching tasks.

• A short, enjoyable activity can be a palate cleanser between tasks, resetting your brain.
• Take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate each accomplishment, before you move on to the next task. Physically cross it off a list.
  • Most people get dopamine hits from accomplishments, which rewards and encourages task completion. People under a lot of stress and people with ADHD don't get this. Instead, I like to reward myself with a short victory dance and cheer when I finish a task. You can come up with your own reward system. (Don't use food as a reward; that causes problems down the road.)
• Break the cycle of time wasters or whatever else you need to stop doing to get on with your day: Puzzles, games, scrolling Instagram, TV/videos, doomscrolling, whatever.
  • Stand up (or put away the device, if you can't stand). Don't wait until you have a plan for what you're going to do next. Your priority is just to get away from the thing sucking you in. You can make a plan after that.
  • If you're in the middle of something you want to finish first, create a physical reminder of your intention to stop when you're done. You can set a timer to remind you to stop at the end. You can put a sticky note on your device.
  • When doing online puzzles, I have a habit of automatically starting another puzzle as soon as I finish. Breaking that habit is hard. But I can often remind myself that I want to stop, just after I've started the next puzzle but before I get sucked into it.
  • Rather than notice that you're stuck and then starting a reminder to stop, you can set a reminder before you start! When I want to do a puzzle, I've started setting a timer before I load it. That makes it easier to do just one and then move on.
• Lack of energy and motivation can keep you stuck.
  • See my list of ways to combat depression. Those same activities can refresh your energy.
  • Consider, for more than two seconds, whether you have an unmet physical need: Food, water, rest, movement, stretching, sunlight, or fresh air. Co₂ levels above 800 ppm can impair your mood.
  • A burst of endorphins can boost your energy. This isn't for everybody: I will sometimes swish and swallow a teaspoon of Louisiana style hot sauce, to perk up. Even a strongly flavored mouthwash can stimulate you enough to help.
  • A little bit of physical exercise, first thing in the morning, can get you going. I don't mean a full workout, though mazel tov if you can get yourself to do it! My personal habit is to put on two songs with a good beat before breakfast, and dance to them. It doesn't matter that I don't know how to dance. Looking cool isn't the point; getting your body moving is.

• Interruptions and the expectation of interruptions can keep you from starting anything that might take longer than a few minutes.
  • Set aside time to focus. You will do nothing else during this time, unless necessary.
  • Set a timer for your focus period.
    • If you need a long day of focus, set aside break times. The Pomodoro Technique uses 25-minute periods separated by 5- to 10-minute breaks, with a longer break after the fourth cycle. Some people use a longer cycle of 90 to 120 minutes, taking breaks when prompted by cues such as yawning, hunger, and difficulty concentrating.
  • Turn off all phone notifications (except alarms if necessary). Do not check email, texts, social media, or other distracting apps.
  • Express your need for solitude to others who share your space. I have three methods:
    1. Verbal request. e.g., "I need to focus for the next twenty minutes."
    2. Wearing a purple wristband means, "No interruptions, please."
    3. Tape a sign to the door: "Concentration in progress. Do not disturb." (The traditional "sock on the doorknob" can also be repurposed for this!)
• Initial hurdles can stop us from beginning a large but doable task.
  • If the task is lengthy, only commit to doing it for five to fifteen minutes. You might dread spending four hours on it, but a few minutes is easy. Once you've started, you may find that you can continue easily. But if not, five minutes is way better than nothing.
  • If the task is complex, just do the first baby step. That can get you into the groove. I don't mean, "Do the first part of the project." Just do the tiniest thing that you need to do to get started. For example:
    • If the project is "Perform my morning routine," the first step isn't to get out of bed. The first step is to throw off the covers.
    • If the project is "Write an essay," the first step isn't to list the salient points. The first step is to open a document (or a notebook).
    • If the project is "Clean up," the first step isn't to vacuum the carpet. It's to get out the vaccuum. After that, you'll feel more committed.
  • Declare your intention to start the task. You might put it on a handwritten list. You might tell someone that you're going to do it. This helps solidify your plan, and engages consistency pressure to encourage you to act in accordance with your intention.
• Background anxiety can make it hard to start tasks. Or anxiety about not having done the task might create a vicious cycle, keeping you from getting into it.
  • Take five slow, deep, loud breaths. Focus on what each breath feels like. Tell yourself, "It's going to be okay."
  • The company of someone safe can both decrease your anxiety and keep you accountable, helping you to follow through on your intended tasks. This might be called "coworking" or "body doubling". It can take many forms.
    • Sit quietly in the same room. Maybe chat or comment on what your doing, or stay silent if you need to focus.
    • A phone call. Each of you gets stuff done while chatting about life.
    • A video call. This is great for relatively stationary physical activities, such as folding laundry or working out.
  • If you are still nervous or riled up from a situation that is not pressing at the moment, you may need to complete the stress cycle.
  • If you have therapy tools for dealing with your anxiety, use them rather than trying to power through it. Remind yourself that worrying won't make you more prepared or protected. Consider the purpose of your ruminations. Use grounding exercises. Practice compassionate self talk.
  • Complete one small, easy task. That helps to decrease cortisol, a stress hormone. Then you might be able to face other tasks.

Your goals and subgoals can distract from each other. For example, the room you need to clean contains mail that must be dealt with, and now you're on the DMV website or on hold with a medical office.

• Sometimes, this is okay! "Junebugging" describes sticking to a room like a June bug. (You could also stick to a type of task.) You put away some things, you clean some things, and maybe some side quest takes you away for a while. You don't keep in mind everything you wanted to do. You just look around after each task or side quest, see what else needs doing, and do it. Don't plan. Just flow.
• "Everything in its place." Things that aren't where they belong will distract you. If you're tidying up, and something doesn't have a place where it belongs, designate a place. Perhaps create one, by putting a basket/bag/container in a convenient location.
  • It's okay to have a "doom pile"! You can't interrupt every task in order to fulfill every other task that you see. Maybe you have a place to put papers that you'll have to deal with later. Or you have a place to put garments that need mending.

If you're struggling with your goals, speak to any professional you have access to about it. Insurance (if you have it) can connect you to a therapist or psychiatrist. A workplace might offer a life coach. Maybe set a therapeutic goal to deal with anxiety or get on track with tasks. They might have suggestions; take notes. If you explore your obstacles out loud, you might just talk yourself through them. Take notes on that too.

Get in the habit of asking for help from the people around you: Organizational help, physical help, company, skilled labor, or whatever else they're suited to offer. Often, the answer will be "no," and that's okay.* Once you get used to it, being turned down is not nearly as bad as you fear. You can't get a "yes" answer if you never ask. So learn to ask. Even if you have to give up on certain people ever helping you, don't give up on everyone.

* Unless it happens enough to reinforce your fear of rejection. In that case, it is better to have limited exposure to rejection, and try to make requests where they are more likely to be honored.

Sometimes, what you really need is just to screw around and do nothing of import. Rest. Play. Read fanfic. Whatever. Your body and brain might be recharged and ready to go tomorrow.

If that works, don't overdo it tomorrow. You can get locked into a cycle of spending all your energy one day, and needing to recover all the next day. Pace yourself sustainably. Learn to say "no" (or "not until later") to demands that would harm you or use you up, or that are just not worth it. Make sure that some of your energy is going toward self care (which is not the same as self soothing).

Keep your head up. It takes time. You'll get this.