Dear Bullshitter,
Why do Jews place stones on graves instead of flowers?
Because flowers get crushed when you place stones on them.
Dear bullshitter,
You're an ass. Why do Jews place stones instead of flowers on graves?
Yes I am. Also, my status as an atheist raised by a nominally Jewish mother in a secular
household, whose Jewish culture extends little beyond a briss and some songs by Adam Sandler,
places me in an ideal position for communicating the subtleties of said culture to the Goyish
masses.
You see, Jews gather a lot of friends over their lifetimes. Someone you see at the deli? She's a friend. Someone you meet on the golf course? He's a friend. Your business associate? You'll attend her daughter's bat mitzvah. Even those who pack up everything, leave their lives behind and move to Florida to die cannot escape it: They just meet and befriend all the other Jews who did exactly the same thing.
So, there are lots of friends. Now imagine the chaos that would ensue if each of those friends laid a bundle of flowers upon your grave. There wouldn't be room for them all. Eventually, there wouldn't be room for you; they'd be exhuming you and your nearest neighbor just to make room for all the flowers. Plus, the first eighty bouquets would get crushed under the rest, leading to fights over who gets to place the last, pristine nosegay.
As you can see, a small rock is simply much more convenient in every respect.
(Ask a Bullshitter is for entertainment purposes only. The Bullshitter promises to never look up the correct answer before writing a column. Any resemblance to actual facts is purely coincidental.)
